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LAS VEGAS

las vegas was incredible. truly one for the ages. the strip is just an insanely detailed avenue of excess and it does not hold back.

here's a picture from our hotel, bellagio, with no "the" behind it. very important. it's the one with the big fountain in front. this is my favorite picture cause of the ring of lights in the pond. the hotel bathroom asked us to save water.

my first attempt gambling was straight off the airplane. they have slot machines in the airport like carnival attractions. I put one dollar in and pulled the slot. gone. felt good. felt like vegas.

we ate at gordon ramsey burger across the street. $26 burger. amazing burger. $20 cocktails. decent cocktail. I then understood why people bring alcohol to vegas. we made fun of a couple we were meeting here, "lol don't they have it in vegas?" now I knew.

bellagio had a garden inside and I swore it played skyrim music. just to show how las vegas doesn't hold back, just look at this floor. all the floors in vegas are like this. insanity. real plants too.

the next day we went into caesar's palace, which is my favorite building in the world. it's so stylized and tacky and there's so many layers to the stylization. it's like greek but in the style of the renaissance depiction of greece. the lobby has huge paintings and statues of naked women. there was a whole replica of michaelangelo's david, dick out and all. god I love vegas.

I went in the casino floor to fulfill a childhood dream of playing video poker in caesar's palace, like in the super nintendo game "caesar's palace." we went onto an elevated (it was a step above the rest of the floor) (that's how you know it's high roller) section and I put $20 in a $5 video poker machine and won $25. I cashed out. I put a dollar into a slot machine. it's gone.

all the casinos on the strip have huge malls attached to them. caesar's palace was no exception.

you had statues topping the stores. a weird dim fake skylight. multiple floors full of expensive handbag shops. gelato all over the goddamn place. it was magical.

we found a dead end rotunda with a fountain and went into a vegas gift shop to buy stuff then left. my partner said the atlantis show was going to start soon, so I said we had to go. she asked me where I was going. then,

the fountain was the show! a whole show with water and fire and tacky animatronics and voice acting. a whole crowd forming to watch the spectacle. truly incredible.

we went to meet her mom. she wanted us to take the dog. I didn't want the dog. the meeting went poorly. she left the day after with the dog.

we saw PENN & TELLER and it was magnificent. very good show. so many participants from the audience. we forgot a water bottle there her mom gave us. apparently she has a lot of them so it doesn't matter. the walk to the Rio was miserable, though. I guess walking anywhere off strip just sucks.

heres a view from our room in the daytime. there's mountains in the background. I love mountains.

sometimes the casino floor would be oddly empty, which was neat for some pictures of bright screens and no people.

the next day we went to the venetian, which is opulent. the ceiling frescos were insane.

it was like this all over the lobby and in some spots upstairs. and the craziest part was that the venetian had a RIVER on the second floor. just what the hell. you could ride boats for $40 a pop and the guy would sing for you too. his song permeates the hall. it's beautiful.

we ate at an italian place but our appetite wasn't good cause of what happened yesterday, so we boxed it and ran backto b e l l a g i o, and then went to another neat place, meow wulf's omega mart.

this was like if an analog horror youtube channel came to life. there's a lot of millennial facebook humor on the shelves, but don't let irony and post-irony take you out of it. there's a lot of wonderful digital and analog visual effects that make you wonder how they did it. it's very cool and expansive, and full of little funny jokes. my favorite was a bunch of science manuals next to a binder called "EASY HOME REPAIR," just a funny bit of storytelling in the environment. you could read the books.

you could pay for a ticket that gave you a card that let you interact with things that contribute to a greater narrative, like a real life ARG. unfortunately, we couldn't stay as long as we wanted unfortunately. we had to go for something else, but I want to go back.

we had to go because tonight was the most important night of my partner's life.

we saw BEYONCE on her renaissance tour, of whom she's a big fan. even still, this was the most impressive show i've seen in my life. a whole three hour production filled with several costume changes, dozens of dancers, a whole band just jamming out.

the show had impressive visual effects that must have taken DAYS to render, huge props, and even visual themes. I'm not that familiar with her music, and I couldn't really make out what the songs were saying, but it was still a visual treat.

my favorite costume was the one with the hat with eye holes in it cause it was funny.

afterward we had to walk back, stopping in the excalibur to eat baja fresh. it was a long walk back but the casinos on the way were visually interesting enough to make it feel quick. we never did make it to the luxor.

in our final day, we went to fremont st., where it all began...

there's a big curved screen above the street showing all kinds of trippy imagery. honestly not sure why it's there but it's badass. all sorts of street performers. this is where all the stinky and cramped casinos you hear about are.

all four of us played blackjack for a while. it was pretty fun, and I split $70 between me and my partner, but we inevitably lost it all. oh well.

it's here that i made my most significant gain. $20 into $45 from a video poker machine, identical to the one in caesar's palace. if I were to make one criticism of las vegas, it's that the machine variety is lacking. i'm not going to play a digital slot machine, that just sounds depressing. i'm here for the SLOTS and the VIDEO POKER.

I immediately sent the $20 gain to die on roulette. my partner spent $5 on video poker at the bar, on small bets. she likes playing the games. I like making money.

we got on the list for some speakeasy, and while we waited went to eureka! across the street, and that was the best food of the trip. hands down must go. best chicken sandwich of my life.

afterward we went to spagos, for our one fancy dinner of the trip (we even had a r e s e r v a t i o n. we had a nice seat by the fountains, but I was uncomfortable in my seat from a week full of drinking and lacking in food. the dinner itself wasn't that good. I got salad drenched in dressing and chewy halibut drenched in soy sauce and it took forever to get served. I guess there was an important person on the table by us who was getting all the attention from the servers.

either way, we finally left and I realized I gambled away the money I was going to tip the housekeeper. so I went to the atm to get a $20, figured I'd get two, and saw there was a ten dollar atm fee. pretty mad about that one. so I just took one of the twenties over to a $10 limit slot machine and max bet, sending off my week of bad luck with one last roll in a real vegassy slot machine.

the credits counter kept going up. I was confused. I cashed out. I won $200. we flew back 12 hours later. I love vegas.

CAR WATCH

the hottest sighting. a lamborghini aventador. I thought this car was badass back when I played forza. still do. probably the only digital dashboard I have an affinity for.

oh look who cheaped out on a rental. the lamborghini gallardo was the sidekick to the aventador. still cool to see one.

rolls royce something. they look less stately now that they're trying to be aerodynamic. nerd. probably some ride owned by the casino to roll around rich people.

not pictured is a lamborghini urus in the venetian parking lot. imagine getting a supercar SUV instead of a limo in VEGAS. embarrassing.

that's all for this update. I don't see a travel update for a very long time. this was an expensive trip lol. unless...